So, Mushi and I are splitting up for a while. Yes, this is wierd.
I have never liked the idea of ranting and raving about the problems I have in relationships. In my humble opinion, what goes on between you and your significant other is your business and I do not like people bitching to me about their love life. In turn, I do not thing people probably want to hear about my issues either. On this note, I do not speak to people about problems that Mushi and I experience. That is why to some it may come as some surprise that she and I will be splitting up for a bit.
What!? Why!? The reason is simple, we are not happy. We have not been happy for quite some time and we need to fix things. Most of the reasons we are not happy tend to stem from personal issues she and I have within ourselves. Mushi needs to figure out who she is and what the term "I" means to her. She needs to figure herself out before she becomes associated with another person. She needs to be Mushi and not "Mogwai's wife". I too, have to figure some stuff out for me as well. My family life was very controlled. My parents were like a safety net for everytime I screwed up and I grew to rely on that too much. My bad for doings so, their bad for doing it too much. Either way, since I have been on my own with Mushi, I have started to mature in different ways and many ways that I probably should have done before now but have not until recently.
The only way we can figure out how to do this stuff for ourselves is to be by ourselves for a bit. This will probably not be a permanent split but who knows. The bottom line for me is this: Why should Mushi have to live with me her entire life and not be happy? If I truly love her(and I do) I would want her to be happy regardless of whether or not I am in the picture. We figured now was a better time to do this than say, five years from now when we have kids that would complicate the situation further. If we need to end our relationship I would rather do it without kids getting involved.
Mushi and I did not get into a big fight or anything, this has been building up for a while. The funny part, is that my post about being a parent and wanting kids acted as a catalyst for this whole thing.
We told our parents tonight about it and that was a party in and of itself. My parents thought we were coming over to chat and possibly eat dinner with them and then we dropped the bomb and dinner ended. Whoops. In a mushroom cloud of despair, my mom promptly stopped munching on her steak and started to tear up. We really did not intend for them to stop eating, it just happened. Overall, both sets of parents took it as well as can be expected when they here that their children who have been married less than eight months decide to split up. What do ya do?
So for the time being I will be living with my friend Dylan and Mushi will live in our house. I think this will be a positive thing. I think now that both of us are taking a step back and catching our breathes and figuring out what in the hell we stand for, when we go back into our relationship we will do so better people and therefore, making our marriage better. Make sense? Didn't think so. Mushi and I tend to be about the only people that truly understand why and what we are doing this for. My friends have been able to grasp this better than our parents and that could be because they have a rather introspective unbiased view of the ant farm called "Mushi and Mogwai's relationship".
The past couple of weeks have sucked to say the least but in the past day or so, I think both she and I are coming to grips with what needs to be done and I think we are both going into this with very positive attitudes. We will still communicate with each other but it will be limited. The point of this exercise is to be apart and tend to ourselves. In a month or so, we may meet for lunch or something and discuss how things are going face to face. This is going to be a very hard but a very positive time for the two of us. I think in the end, it will make our marriage way stronger than it is now. And, if we do not get back together, it will in the very least make us stronger individuals than we are now.
So, starting on Monday I will live with Dylan. For those of you who need to contact me, my email and cell number will remain unchanged.
I love Mushi with all of my heart and cannot wait to get this started. I want to be with her for the rest of my life but both of us need to be in the relationship and happy with it. Now is the time to make that happen.
Wish us luck!