Ten Year Reunions and Anxiety

The topic of my ten year reunion has come up a lot in the last few weeks. People have been mentioning it to me and asking if I am going to which I have responded with a resounding "NO". Now, I am not sure. I think if I know some of my friends are going I may drop in but I will be going with wingmen or not at all.

I have been dreading the reunion for several reasons. First, most of the people I wanted to keep in touch with, I have. The other people I don't care so much about. Despite this, I still visit the sheriff's website and collect snapshots of my peers and figure that maybe at this reunion they would be good conversation starters. Maybe not. Maybe I just like being "big brother" and knowing about the side of people most would not choose to share with others.

Second, up until a few weeks ago I haven't been that proud with what I have accomplished in the ten years since I left Capital High. Telling my ex-classmates that I had spent the past ten years working at Costco and getting divorced didn't sound that appealing. Now that I have done the whole elitist "I am a world traveler" thing, I feel a bit better. I also have a job now that I am kind of proud of and enjoy and that helps too. I haven't failed in my life by any stretch but I still don't feel like I have accomplished enough to consider myself successful in the past ten years. Then again, knowing me, I am not sure how much I would have to do in order to consider myself successful. I have resigned myself to just doing as much as I can and mining a few good nuggets from the bunch.

I am not sure why I feel like this but I am not going to this thing to see people; if I go it will be to prove myself to others. I really shouldn't need to do this but seriously, there aren't a ton of people that will be there that I feel compelled to see again. I don't even feel like I have to prove myself to any of them but, the way I figure it, reunions are things you go to to make yourself feel better about yourself. I figure I am at least on par with most of my peers so I may as well see how I compare. Statistically, I figure I am in the top third of my class and feel that that is how almost all of my friends rank.

Who knows, will I go or won't I? I guess we shall see. Tony and Jake, if you're up for it, I guess I am in. This thing will have an open bar, right?

Aside from all of this reunion talk, I have been antsy as all get out for the past few days. I have been bothered about money stuff and some other stuff and have just had a generally hard time calming down. Partly, this is due to my job giving me almost no hours and no hours means no money. I have bills to pay and I am not sure that they firmly grasp this. I don't want to get a second job but if this lack of working goes on for much longer, I am going to need one until I get established at the main place. I don't want a second job but if this keeps up going into April, I am not going to have much of a choice. There is hope though and in a week or two I may not need to worry.

I just feel like there is so much to do and I am playing catch up since moving back. I don't have a place of my own, if it weren't for my nest egg I brought back from Japan, I would not be making ends meet. I have financial goals set for this year and if I keep going like I am, I will not meet them. I won't even be close. One upside is that it looks like I may be teaching summer school this year and that would be cool if that opportunity works out. It looks good on my resume and it gives me an extra three grand to work with. I need to complete my Boise Schools application again.

Anywho, that is what I have been up to. There is so much I feel like I need to do and I am unsure how much is really necessary. I think once I get my money stuff straightened out, I will be able to relax. Hopefully, that will happen soon.