Saturday, September 01, 2007

Reasons the Rest of the World Thinks Idahoans Are A Bunch of Crazies #8469273: Larry Craig

When traveling abroad, being an American can sometimes be an annoyance. You tell people you're American and most of them launch into this tirade about how George Bush is the devil and how he kills toddlers and grinds them up into sausage links that he serves to is dogs. While lately, I tend to side with a small percentage of their gripes, it still gets tedious. When traveling anywhere, including your own country and you say you are from Idaho, the general response is kind of along the same lines.

These are some lines I have heard and my replies:

"Idahoans are a bunch of redneck fascist Republicans." - Yup, most of them.

"This one time I was watching The World's Weirdest Police Chases and there was one from Idaho where this guy wouldn't pull over because he was drunk off his ass and totally naked." - Yup, I saw that one too.

"This one time I was watching The World's Weirdest Police Chases and there was one from Idaho where this guy wouldn't pull over because he was drunk off his ass and wearing women's lingerie and stiletto heels." - Yup, I saw that one too.

"Aren't all of the skinheads from Idaho?" - They used to be until they were kicked off their property and the main building was turned into a Jewish Heritage museum.

"Idaho has a bunch of crazy survivalists hiding out in the mountains doesn't it?" - Yup and the guy that Rambo is based on heads up a community of them.

After you get past those gems that I get every couple of months, you have to add in the random potato references, Napoleon Dynamite questions, and the jokes about where we park our horses when we go to work. Occasionally, someone will bring up Ruby Ridge or Helen Chenoweth and I get to answer those questions too. I guess what I am getting at is that the only people Idaho exports to the rest of the world are the people that Idaho should really be trying to hide. Take me for example. The only thing positive to have come out of Idaho that anyone in the rest of the United States, let alone the world, cares about is last year's Boise State football team; which coincidently is the last time I actually was proud of the fact I graduated from there. Yeah, I have to answer questions about the blue turf but I can handle those.

Now, one more thing can be added to the list of reasons the world thinks Idahoans are some of the nuttiest people alive, Larry Craig. Some states have senators that have killed people, some have had senators that were part of the KKK, but I am pretty sure we are the first to have one arrested for looking for gay sex from the stall of an airport bathroom. The sad part for him is that other than this, he was a fairly good and well-reputed senator, but in five years, the only thing he will be remembered for was as the guy who got busted while looking for a little pitcher and catcher action in an airport john. Not that it would have helped him in Idaho(because the only thing that most Idahoans hate more than Liberals is gay people) but he really should have gone public with the whole incident as soon as it happened and not two and a half months later and only after someone already started blabbing about it. He would have looked a lot less guilty and a lot more reputable by doing so.

Now, the press gets a field day, his Conservative base gets a witch hunt, and Idaho gets one more blemish to add to its trophy case. Here's to hoping BSU wins again this year to even it all out.


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