Back To Work

Well, after a week and a half of pretty lax living, classes started back up today. Tonight went pretty well, not a lot to report in that area; kids did Halloween stuff and watched in boredom. The Halloween curriculum is pretty cut and dry as far as whats expected of me and it gets very repetitive. All the repetition gives me time to think.

I'm not going to go into detail about everything thats on my mind because when I say it outloud to myself it sounds like I am all depressed and while that may be a little true, its not as bad as it would sound if I told you all. I guess the crux of all of my thoughts have been this: Why can some people live happily so easily and why can't I be one of those people? I think I invent problems for myself sometimes or I turn very small issues into bigger ones by over-thinking them. It seems like I am trying despite myself and my situation to be sad and I don't know why I do that. Maybe I am bored again. I also think I rely on other people to give me happiness too often, I would like to be happy because I make me happy and that doesn't happen as much as it should.

I was talking with a co-worker the other day about food. She said that she only ate because she had to or else she would die. I almost fell out of my seat. We talked about food for a bit and she thought it was funny that I see food the way I do. In short, I love food. Not just the eating of it but its preparation and how it makes other people happy. I like the social setting that food helps to induce, families and friends getting together to eat. I like the idea that you can take simple ingredients that when by themselves, do not taste very good, but when combined with something else, take on a whole new life. I like the fact that most food only tastes as good as the amount of effort that it took to make it. The bottom lines is that I like food and everything about it. I think I would be happier if I had the metabolism to match my love of food. I think its a pity when people refer to food as "sustenance" and feel sorry for them that no one has ever cooked good meal for them. I think I am in one of my moods where I would rather be a chef than almost anything. Cooking makes me feel so good and relaxed.

Speaking of which, I am hungry and could use a dose of relaxation. Time to make dinner.