To My Friends....You All Know Who You Are
Linguist Jake made an excellent point in one of his previous comments that I have been mulling over for a bit now. I would like to respond more elaborately.
In the whole world, all six billion some odd people, there are about five people that are not related to me....and even then, there are only eight, that I would trust with my life. That I would trust with damned near anything. I have other friends as well, but I have a core that I consider my best friends. All of you whom I have known for at least six or seven years. And I might add, if I had the chance to choose other people to substitute you guys with, I would rather be alone.
Almost everyone I know was upset and taken aback when Mushi and I split up. I kind of was too. But part of the big reason for the surprise was because I never really told anyone that stuff in Mushi and I's marriage was haywire. It isn't that I was hiding things or trying to keep anything from you all because I didn't trust you, it is because I feel like my burdens are my own to carry and deal with and not other peoples'. My problems are my problems, they are not Linguist Jake's problems or Mr. Blue/Phear's or TPLConjecture's or Demonator's. They are mine.
Some people will spill the beans to anyone that will listen when it comes to life's curves and jabs. Not me. It is not that I don't trust you as friends or think that you wouldn't be able to handle the stuff I would tell you, it is because I don't think you should have to. It isn't that friends should not try to help each other out or be there for moral support or any of the other mushy stuff, its just that when I am around all of you, I want to have fun. And I might add, when we are all together we do have fun 99.999% of the time. For the most part, that is what I expect out of my friends, we should be able to go out and have a good time and relax and enjoy each others' company. I don't like drama and I don't like sharing my drama because everyone has enough of their own....and usually it is of a higher more important caliber than mine.
I know the way I deal with my issue's can make you guys feel like I don't confide in you but that is me. This is the way I have always been. Though I enjoy a good hug now and again, I am not a touchy feely person and I just plain don't like talking about my problems with other people directly. Right or wrong, I choose this blog sometimes to voice my problems and refrain from calling you are meeting with some of you personally like I probably should sometimes. This has more to do with the fact that I think I can express what I am feeling more clearly through writing rather than talking. Sometimes when I talk, my mouth moves and words come out but they are not the ones that I wanted and I can't take them back once they have escaped. This way, those of you who read this get my message after I have considered it carefully. I feel that this is best for all because if we were to speak and I were to be cryptic, that is not fair to you. I like clear messages and they come through much more so on this blog than with words.
Also keep in mind, while anyone may stumble upon this website, there are only a few people that I know that I tell the URL to. If I told you how to get here, it is because I trust you and don't mind you hearing about my problems or triumphs. The strangers that read this blog really only get about a third of what I am actually all about. Those that know me can use this blog as a footnote to better clarify and understand the story and life that is Mogwai. To the strangers that come here, they are looking for basically entertainment or a story. It is similar to the reason people watch reality TV. If you are friend of mine, you are here because I want you to better understand who I am and why I do the things I do.
Lastly, maybe I should call each of you and or tell each of you this stuff in person. I for one, and I know at least one other that reads this thing feels the same way, do not like talking on the phone for extended periods of time. And for a couple of you, the mileage between us makes meeting in person a tad of a chore, though a fun one when we get to. Without sounding overly sappy, the handful of you are like family to me. I love you all like I love my own family...this is obvious or else we wouldn't have lasted as friends as long as we have. I tend to get sick of most people pretty quickly but for one reason or another, you four in particular have stuck around. I repsect and trust each of you above almost everyone I know or could possibly fathom meeting. You are the best friends a guy could hope for and I hope that I have been as good of a friend to you as you all have to me.
Don't feel like I am holding back by not talking to you about all of this stuff personally. It just isn't my style. I do know however, that with you guys, if I ever did want to actually talk out my problems with you, I could do so and expect good sound advice from each of you. Though I probably don't let you guys know this enough, you really are my best friends and I wouldn't change that for the world. I appreciate all of you for what you have done for me big and small.
I am done being sappy now. :)