Monday, September 19, 2005

Eye of the Storm

Lately, that is where I feel like I have been living. this is a calm time, but I know that around me is possibly a torrent of change and chaos that is circling me and waiting to sweep me up. I haven't been sleeping again, sleeping pills are about the only way for me to get sound sleep now. I don't take them because I don't want to get addicted but now I can definitely see why people do get hooked.

I wish there was a way for me to turn off my mind and just focus on day to day living. This is not possible. At work I think of quitting, at home I think of leaving, in my car on my way to somewhere I think of veering off course and changing destinations. I have come to the conclusion that this is "go time". If I don't do something within the next few months, I am going to sieze. I need change to come into my life, I need new scenery. At this point drastic measures come to mind. As I type this, I am taking an inventory of my room and the material possessions that reside in it. I am trying to figure out what goes and what stays basically. I think it would be a very purifying experience to have only what I can take with me when I go where ever that may be. If not Japan, then somewhere else. Either way, I am going to ditch about 90% of my worldly belongings....think zen.....think balance. This is what I am going to attain and I can't do so with all of this stuff sitting around here and anchoring me. Material possessions do not control me anymore. I think that has been a problem I have had in the past.

I want to be a traveller. The term "hobo" has never sounded more inviting.


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