Waiting

I am stupid. Stupid.

Dylan's cat has not come back for a while and I am concerned. Usually, we let her out and she plays outside for a little bit and then she ususally comes back to the door and paws on it and we let her in. The whole process usually doesn't take long and she comes back quickly but tonight she has not come back. I was concerned when I cam home from work because I couldn't find her and when Dylan came home he said he had let her out before he left and that she had only been out for about an hour. He said this about two hours ago. So the cat has been gone a total of three hours almost and I am worried. Actually, to say that I am worried is an understatement, I am beside myself. I am obsessively going to the back door to see if she is back if I hear even the slightest noise. Dylan did not seem to care a whole lot and so maybe he knows her better than I do but it does not stop me from being bothered about it.

This whole evening can pretty much sum up Mushi and I right now and maybe that is why it bugs me so bad. The cat wanted out and so it was let out. It has not come back yet and I keep waiting for it to do so but in the back of my mind I am thinking to myself that it never will come back. But I still keep waiting. And waiting.

I am beginning to think I have depression issues...or maybe a better way to put it is that I am starting to come to grips with the fact that I have depression issues and that they have been there for a while. I am starting to think that I need to talk to someone. This is an option I have been weighing in my head for a few days now. Maybe talking to someone will help. I just think to myself that maybe if I wait a bit things will get better on their own and there is no need.

The other reason I am so bugged by the whole cat thing is that I really like her. She is a good kitty and keeps me company during the days that I am around the house. She kind of fills in for my real cat, Totoro. I miss Totoro too. Fortunately, when I get my own place, Toto is going to come live with me. That is if he still likes me by the time I get my new place. We will see.

Anywho, I am going to go do something else to get my mind off Dylan's cat...maybe I will stop by and see Totoro. Regardless, I am going to leave the patio and porch lights on just in case the cat decides to come back.

If I were a stranger reading this post, I would be thinking to myself that the guy that wrote it was crazy. Maybe.