Thursday, July 08, 2004

The Wee T Ranch

Earlier I told you that sometime I would write about a guilty pleasure of mine, midgets. The wee people, the vertically challenged, the small, the liliputin, shorties........midgets. I have always found midgets funny. I have no problems with them personally and have a couple of friends that are midgets but the bottom line is that they crack me up. The following is what I would do if I was a billionaire....which is probably why I will never be a billionaire.

Imagine a place just a short drive from town. A ranch. As you drive up the winding dirt road to the ranch you go through the big entrance arches and see the ranches cattle brand, a very large W setting atop a very small T. As you get closer to the ranch you start to see heards of cattle roaming the grassy lands. Not a big deal? Here's the catch, the cattle are small. Oh yes they are adult cows....just shorter. You would also see a heard of fainting goats. If you have never seen a fainting goat you should check them out. Mother nature gave them the funniest survival mechanism of all, when they get scared or startled they freeze and fall over. If a goat is jumping through the air and gets frightened mid-jump it will freeze up and hit the ground as if it were dead. They are hilarious. Anyways.

You would also see other cattle, llamas and alpacas....why....because they're funny. And I am a big Simcity fan. You would also see something else though. You see, I would be rich therefore I would not have time to keep the place up by myself so I would have to have a little help. Who better to man the Wee T than small people.

If my guests get a little hungry, small chefs will be there to cook a big meal. At the Wee T, the staff may be small but the portions are not.

If my guests want to go sight seeing there will be small guides to lead them through the wilderness and tell them campfire stories at night. At the Wee T, the land may stretch far and wide but the knowledge and ruggedness of our guides is no tall tale. The guides would also ride small horses across the range.

There will be midget driven rickshaws to take guest to and from buildings and activities while on the ranch. There will also be little maids to tidy up after my guests leave a big mess. I may even arrange the occasional mini-buffalo hunt for birthday parties etc.

All in all, the Wee T would be a lot of fun. Yes, the ACLU would crucify me for this but they have better things to do like looking for small towns that have crosses in their town crests and making them remove them.

BTW if you think the whole midget thing hasn't been done before, think again. The famous Medici family that lived in Italy during the Renaissance was known to keep a whole house of dwarves by their estate so they could go and watch them live. Think of the Sims with real people. The Medicis were quite enamored by little people. They would also have them fight animals for their entertainment. Check out the link below for a story about the Medicis have a dwarf fight a monkey while all of the tall people watched merely.

I wonder if I am in any way related to these guys. :)


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