Friday, June 11, 2004

My Place of Employment

As you are reading this, you may be wondering why I am dedicating an entire post to my job. To put it quite simply it is because I loathe and abhor my job. What do I do? Not a lot. I work for a large company that is in the business of selling things in very large quantities to people that have to pay to shop there. I am extremely overpaid given what I actually do there and really the only reason I have remained employed for as long as I have is because I perpetuate the myth that I actually work very very well.

A typical day for me may go something like this:

I arrive to work and barely swipe in on time. I sneak over to my department (Electronics) and proceed to the Dish Network display that is conveniently set up in my area. I then proceed to find something good on TV. Usually this ends up being TechTV, The History Channel, The Cartoon Network, or The Food Network. Having selected my viewing poison for the day, I meander over to where the rest of my co-workers are and get briefed on how the day has gone up to that point. I am usually the "closer" and therefore, do not have to put up with most of the crap that the other guys do. I rarely see my manager and only ever talk to a handful of my fellow prisoners in retail hell. This is how I like it. I come in late and by doing so I avoid the customers.

My job would be great if it were not for the dreaded cattle with credit cards that saunter through the big door on a scale that could only be described as slightly creepy. Why people would pay money to shop somewhere is beyond me. I do not think the store warrants the tithe that its members joyously hand over so that they may spend more money there and pay people like me. Most of the people that work with me tolerate the customers but only to the extent that we do not bludgeon them as they walk through the door. To say that I am cheerful and helpful to most people that walk into the building would be like saying Hitler put a mint on the pillow of every Jew that graced one of his concentration camps. I know I have said it before but damn, I really hate most of the "members" that frequent the establishment that pays me money to watch TV. Remember, a "memeber" is just a nice word for a penis.

Anyhow, enough negativity....on to the fun! I get paid three times more than a McDonalds worker to do five times less than them. I watch TV and occasionaly help a customer with such difficult question as, "Where is the printer ink at?" As mentioned before, I almost never see my manager and when I do it is usually when he is on his way out. I almost always leave early and best of all, I am immune to almost all repercussions of my actions while on the job. If I tell I customer to go screw themselves, if I here about it at all it is usually several days after the event. I have tried to get fired for about a year now and they won't do me the favor. So I labor on. Throughout this blog you are likely to get some anecdotes about my job so consider this the primer to get you up to speed.

BTW for those of you who think my job sounds great and think I am crazy, you try dealing with people asking you the same five or six questions ad nauseum and then pace about 4 miles on a concrete floor all day for years on end and tell me how you feel.


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